Log in

No account? Create an account
the Word Burglar
09 March 2013 @ 09:56 pm
So, it's been absolutely forever since I posted here (like 8 or 10 months?), but life has been pretty whatever. I lost my job a week after my birthday, but also after deciding in September that I was going to take the October LSAT and go to law school. I took the test and applied to 8 schools. So far I've been accepted to 5, rejected from 1, and haven't heard from the last two. And I think I'm going to move to LA.

I had initially planned to do law school in the area - you know, stay more or less where I am, be comfortable, etc. But I applied to one school on each coast just because they were free to apply to, and I've gotten in to each one. And the more I think about it, the less I think I should stay in my "comfort zone" because really, the best I can hope for here is to be a big fish in a little pond. I don't want that - I don't want to be a little fish in the ocean, either, but I'd rather give it a go somewhere that feels more important than Valpo. So I think I'm going to accept Loyola Law School LA's offer of $30k/year (about 2/3rds tuition) and move to LA (I got a full tuition scholarship to Valpo, and I'd have stayed in the house for at least the first semester). Because even though I don't think of myself as a California person, I think I'd like to have another "go someplace you've never been" type adventure. I mean, I have been to LA, just not a) in a long time, b) FOR a long time, or c) for pretty much anything other than Disneyland or family occasions. So I'm nearly as foreign to it as I was to Sheffield or New Orleans.

So that's pretty much what's happening in my life. I'm going to visit the campus at the end of the month, but unless it's catastrophic I think my mind's made up. I'm still in ballet, puttering aroung in pointe shoes for a half-hour every Monday evening, and I'd definitely want to continue with dance, running, and possibly take up yoga in LA. I feel like my life is going to change quite a lot come the end of this summer, but I also think that might be just what I need.
Tags: ,
the Word Burglar
27 July 2012 @ 09:38 pm
This might seem super shameless, and it kind of is, but bear with me.

For months, two of my smartest friends and I have been working on making a podcast about being lady-nerds (well, mostly about being nerds, with a fminist perspective), and despite many, MANY technical difficulties, we finally have an episode up and ready! It and our related blog posts can be found at thebabesinthewoods.wordpress.com, fondly referred to as the Jungle of Death.

I hope that you guys will check it out, especially now that we have some legitimate content to share! It's not as much as we had hoped yet, but it will be! We're still working on it, and we hope that the internet will enjoy listening as much as we enjoy talking.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: Little Boots - Earthquake
the Word Burglar
It figures that I'd come back to LJ with a meme XD It's not that I've been avoiding it (I still read my flist every day), I just haven't thought of anything to post! Anyway, about that meme...

From gnibbles: Comment to this post, and I will list 7 things I want you to talk about. They might make sense, or they might be totally random. Then post that list, with your commentary, to your journal. Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself.

In which I wax unnecessarily loquacious on divers topicsCollapse )

In other news..? It's been a while! I have a new group of people to hang out/game with, which makes me ridiculously happy. We even played Arkham Horror on Friday and I almost died of happiness. I mean, my character almost died in R'yleh, too, but that's just how it goes. Things are still good at the bank, even though it turns out something that be busy. stressful, AND boring all at the same time. I did go to that Joffrey class once and it was amazing, but I haven't managed to go again yet (which is sad). Binder has invited me to start going shooting with her family sometimes, which is scary and pretty awesome at the same time. We are also planning to take up archery this year, which will be awesome, since I always meant to. Mostly, I am trying to find ways to be happy, despite having no idea what the rest of my life will look like. Fortunately, I'm mostly succeeding these days!
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Music: Apocalyptica - Hall of the Mountain King
the Word Burglar
25 March 2012 @ 10:33 pm
So, LJ, it's been a while. How have you been? No, don't answer that - I've been watching. You know, casually...not really. I've been reading my flist this whole time, but obviously...it's gotten a bit away from me. Well, posting has. I've really kept up with everyone's posts though! It's easy as no one posts anymore.

Lots has been going on for me, but not a lot of it is very exciting. Gained weight, lost it again, hoping to keep/finish losing (down to the last 9lbs to my goal!) Doing well at the bank, getting pretty good hours these days, there's a newer-than-me new girl who is 18 and talks like it, getting along really well with everyone else. Made a present for my grandparents that the frame shop put onto their website (which I would link to if I could find it, but I can't so here's a picture of it in the hoop instead), and got a strangely heartfelt response from my grandfather afterward. I'm working on getting myself together to buy a car. I already found where I can buy a BPRD sticker to put on it. I read all of the Hunger Games books, which I then forced on my brother, mother, and now sister. I also read Dune for the first time, and am reading some short stories to steel myself for Wise Man's Fear (finally). After that, I think it'll be time to buckle down and finish Feast for Crows, then tackle Dance with Dragons. I designed a cross-stitch pattern for the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, which I hope to stitch for whoever has a baby first. Or if I meet a Dune superfan soon? Ballet class, which I can't remmeber if I mentioned when it started, is going really well, and it's honestly my favorite part of my week. A couple of the ladies and I are thinking of picking up a Sunday morning class in Chicago at the Joffrey, and I am WAY excited about that. I bought mangoes for the first time ever today and made a mango-banana-honey smoothie thing. It was delicious.

I think that stream-of-conciousness wall-o'-text about covers it..? OH! Except a couple of friends and I are working on a podcast for/by lady nerds, so I hope that once we get it off the ground you'll stop by and give us a listen! We're smart and funny, I promise! The episode we did today is about the Hunger Games, but also World War Z, George Martin, and probably Star Wars. Because there's always Star Wars. I shouldn't tell you now, but we have a baby blog up already (none of our episodes are ready for listening yet, sorry!) - if you wanted to sneak by and leave a comment or two, let us know what you might want to hear about from us, I'm sure I won't get in too much trouble. We're at http://thebabesinthewoods.wordpress.com/. We'll have a prettier domain name later, we hope, but that's it for now. You didn't hear it from me, okay?
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Gotye - Heart's a Mess
the Word Burglar
06 December 2011 @ 10:32 pm
So my internet sucks and I hope it doesn't quit before I get done with this, because I really need to rant and no one here seems interested.

A month ago, I made a pretty significant life change. It was one that had been coming for a while, and that my sister had anticipated. She said that once it finally happened, we would go out to blow off some steam and celebrate (as much as this could be celebrated). So it happened. And I started putting together the blowing off steam.

Let's back up a little - I'm living at my parents' house again, where I went to high school. I have exactly two friends left in town. Two. They are great friends and I love them. They're also both very busy people. Which was hard but fine when I was also not busy. It's impossible but unavoidable now that I am busy. I contacted both of them straight away to try to organize something. From one (who assumed we were going that weekend) I got, "Yeah! I think I have a DD for us!" Excellent. From the other, "I can't do this weekend, next weekend [etc etc etc] and the place you want to go sucks." So I asked for other suggestions, or if weeknights were better. Nope, no suggestions - all options suck. And of course weeknights are unavailable. Fine, it's unsurprising, but I had to ask. So, faced with the possibility of partying with only my sister, I decided to combine this celebration with my birthday (Friday). Both parties say this works fine for them. Excellent!

Fast forward to last week. I send out reminders so that everyone can get their plans in order. Friend 1, who has forgotten, I guess?, says she probably won't be able to get off of work for it. Okay, that sucks, but I understand. Work is like that. Now, Friend 2, whose schedule was the reason for this change of plans and month-long delay of partying or any contact whatsoever, took 2 days to respond at all, saying she really needed detailed plans so she could organize around it. I responded, gave her all the details I had, and I heard nothing. Tonight, I get a text from Friend 2 saying she can't go out on my birthday because of her study schedule. Okay, I get that you're super busy. I get that you're taking one very difficult class, and there's a lot of work for it. I ALSO get that you're working and practicing for an upcoming life change (though I can't say I totally understand it, I realize that it's true). You don't have a lot of time - I UNDERSTAND. However, what I DON'T get is how you, KNOWING that I had moved this, waited a MONTH for it, and since the last time I saw you was HALLOWEEN, and also knowing that Friend 1 couldn't make it, decide nope fuck it I've got homework. I'll take you out to the crappy "bar" in town (which one does not dress up for btw) next week~!

I am fucking pissed off. Since Friend 2 has basically quit the social internet, I'm not really afraid she'll read this, and I haven't cooled down properly enough to think I should take precautions in case she does. Next week doesn't work for me - I have ONE night off. I don't know what my days look like (because as usual, the bank hasn't given me my schedule), but I'm at Target all night every night except Monday (when I go to dance class) and Wednesday. I mean, I guess I could go out Wednesday, but it depends on how late I'm working/ when I have to be in on Thursday.

I know Friend 2 has her family to talk to, and Friend 1 has a million friends, but I don't. I don't have ANYBODY around here. My family isn't big into talking, and I'm rapidly wearing out my welcome with them. I don't have any other friends here, and I don't have the time to talk to my existing friends via internet. I had 3 social incidences in the entire month of November. They were all within a week of each other, 2 on Thanksgiving and the day before.

I feel completely shut out by Friend 2 - she's had a rough time the last couple of years, but I've tried REALLY hard to be there for her and fill as much of the gap she has as I could. I asked her for help earlier in the year, and she helped me, but since then she's gotten really distant and dismissive. I mean, I guess I can't even say that since I have seen her once a month at best since then. I don't know her schedule OR mine, so I can't really call her. I tried texting, but she doesn't like that. I tried email and never got a response. I got a text that said she was working on a response, but never the email. She's quit Facebook etc, so I can't use those to keep in touch - what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like I say, I get that she has family and possibly other friends to keep her occupied, but she KNOWS that I don't. She KNOWS that she and Friend 1 are the only people I know here. And still, she doesn't reach out, or even respond when I reach out. I don't fucking get it. If she doesn't want to be friends, she should just tell me. I found out from Friend 1, who saw her at a do I had to miss because of work, that she's moving right at the start of next month. So great. It'll be exactly the same as now, as far as I can tell. No contact whatsoever, second- or thirdhand word of what's happening - just like all the other people I'm not really friends with. Fan fucking tastic. I can't afford this, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do to avoid losing half of my social circle.

That's a wall of text and no one will read it, but I wish they would because I could really use some sympathy. I just don't fucking get it. At all.
Tags: ,
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
the Word Burglar
Aaaaaauuuuuuggggghhhh it has been forever since I posted here. I'd apologize, but it's sort of going the same way generally on my friends page, minus ONTD, which I don't have time to keep up with anymore.

What was even going on the last time I posted? I hadn't started at chase right? Well, obviously I have now, and I even did a week going into Chicago for Chase training (8:30a-5:30p not including train time) and coming back to work at Target until 10:30p. It was the week before Thanksgiving, and it was horrible. Thanksgiving week was pretty awful, too, due to sheer number of hours spent working. Black Friday, and this will forever be my one retail horror story (I hope), I worked the bank 8a-1p, then Target 1:30p-12a. Oh, this is after working Thanksgiving Wednesday from 9p to 5a on Thanksgiving. Awesome?

Basically, I haven't posted (or sewn, or read, or played, or anything) because I honestly haven't had time. The first couple of weeks I was too exhausted from trying to absorb and learn everything. Then the next couple of weeks were the ones above, where I worked upwards of 60 hours and used the other hours for sleep. I haven't been to the gym in ages (but I get to go tomorrow! Yay! I hate that I'm one of these people now!), but fortunately the physicality of the Target job and the lack of time for snacking/inactivity mean I've continued to lose weight, which is pretty great. I'll see what the scale says Friday morning, but if it hasn't changed from this weekend, I'll only have missed my goal of 50lbs down by my birthday (Friday) by 2lbs. Which is pretty damn good, I'd say.

So yeah - you haven't missed too much. There have been a couple of upheavals in various capacities, but I don't really have the energy to talk about them in detail right now - plus you probably know about them if you're reading this? I don't know - I'm assuming.

I have, however, finally gotten an internet-capable phone, so I might become more active (generally - not necessarily here?) during breaks and lunches and so on. I hope so, at least. I've been missing my internet. Let's hope the separation was only temporary.
Tags: ,
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Apocalyptica - Little Drummer Boy
the Word Burglar
So once again it's been waaaaaayyyy too long. Long enough, in fact, that this entry window is no longer in monotype? This is kind of freaking me out.

I WAS going to wait to post anything until I've actually STARTED my second job (in order to avoid jinxing it), but I'm kinda uncomfortable with the idea of leaving LJ completely dead for over a month. I know, I know, you've all been very concerned and missing my inimitable phraseology - I'm so sorry, Adoring Public! Anyway, yeah, so what was happening last time? Right.

I haven't written a blessed word, which is a little sad, but I've been a bit distracted. I'm hoping to dive into NaNo, but we'll see how it goes. I'll have more pressing things to worry about at the time, so we'll see how much free time/creativity I have to spare in November.

I HAVE been keeping up with the gym, but my progress has been a little slower than I'd like. I know that once you reach a certain point it gets harder, but it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. It doesn't help that the last couple of sessions I've had with my trainer she's cut short by 10 or 15 minutes...I don't know why, but if it keeps up I'll ask her about it, or just stay an extra few minutes myself and make something up? I don't know. I'm officially down 35lbs, which is great! I had been hoping to be a little farther along by now (I was hoping that by my birthday/Christmas I'd be around the 50lbs mark), but we'll see how far we get. I'm still going to dance class Monday nights, and I love it! It's two hours of exercise, but I don't feel like I've been exercising at the end, even when I'm sore the next few days. It's really great, and I'm so, so glad I found this class.

I also bought my very first pair of size 14 jeans a couple of weeks ago! I almost screamed in the dressing room when they actually fit. I'm really excited. It's not as though I'm "officially" a 14 now, but at a couple of stores I've been able to buy 14s, or even Larges as opposed to XLs or XXLs, which is where I'd been heading before. I've had to retire a double-X workout shirt because it was just getting in the way anymore, which was kind of a good feeling. I'm so relieved to have concrete evidence that what I've been doing really is working this time - I really will be able to get where I want to go if I just keep this up. I have a lot more to say about my weight issues right now, actually, but I think I'd better save that for another post. Well, if anyone wants to read it, I guess, but even if they don't, it's my journal? I don't know. We'll see. I got asked to submit a column about "my success story" to one of the Wellness Program directors at my gym, and my trainer uses me as an example for other clients, but I feel like it's all a lie or at least premature, since I'm only halfway to my goal. Still, I'll save the rest of this for another entry. This one's going to be a monster anyway.

On to legitimate news: I HAVE A JOB! I actually have two jobs, but I haven't started the second one yet. Right now, I am working 20ish hours a week at my local Target. Don't let me fool you, though; it's only my first full week, and I'm still on my training schedule. It's more than minimum wage, which is nice, though not by much, so it's not exactly all my dreams come true. The people are really nice, and I'm incredibly, indescribably grateful to even HAVE this job - they didn't have to hire me, and I'm so glad that they did. $8/hour is better than no dollars per hour, every single time. So far, I have learned to cashier, some about working "soft lines," basics of the grocery section, and a pretty good grounding in "hard lines." I have to learn to run the fitting room tomorrow, and I go back to groceries ("market") Friday. They say that's where I'll be concentrating, and that's fine - I'll just need to get some gloves for pushing refrigerated and frozen products.

As previously stated, I haven't started my second job yet, but I will be a part-time teller at Chase Bank in the next town east. I'm really happy that I managed to get this one, too, especially since it's $10.50/hour (they told me $11.50 in the intervew, but what can you do?), and another 20 hours/week. So sure, I'll be getting a full workweek, but that's hardly a problem for me. Especially since I'll definitely have to work weekends, which means I will generally have shorter days, even if I rarely/never get a whole day off. We'll see how it works out. And the bank job (lol) isn't seasonal, so there's not the "Well, if you're good enough, we might think about hiring you on for real in January..." that I have with Target. I'm not actually worried they won't hire me on, but that's also getting ahead of myself.

It's a little stressful right now, because I'm having to learn so much so fast for Target, and I have the added stress of how long/mysterious the "pre-employment process" for Chase is - it's like applying to the effing Pentagon! I had to do a drug test for Target, but for Chase, they wanted a drug test, background check, fingerprinting, notarized proof of citizenship status...it's a little crazy! I mean, I understand it, but it's a lot to do in 24 hours (which is the deadline they give you).

To top it all off and to prove once again that, as everyone's been saying to me, "it never rains but it pours," I just got an email from one of the random freelance editing jobs I applied to a few months ago, and they had me take an assessment and will get back to me about whether or not I'll have yet a third job (and then have to pick one to give up, because the editing job listing says it's $30/hour).

So that's all excellent news! It's not as though my entire life is sorted out, but I feel like I'm moving the right direction, and that everything that's happened will make everything in the future that much easier. It also helps that somehow, mysteriously, my sister and I have been getting along REALLY well for almost a month now. I am so flabbergasted and grateful for this that I just don't even know what to do with myself. I wrote her a thank-you note today, and I left it on her bed, so we'll see if that's too awkward or weird for her.

In other news, I am excited about some of the Christmas presents I have decided to make, and also about being asked to help with decorations for a friend's wedding! I'm going to be all over that adorable embroidered pennant bunting. You have no idea. I've decided I really like sewing still/again, so I'm going to focus on that as my hobby of choice for a while (besides dance class). Which might mean I miss out on NaNo, but that's okay - maybe I'll use Script Frenzy as an excuse to do my own NaNo instead. After all, NaNo is right in the middle of prime present-making time. Mom's sewing non-stop on Nick's Halloween costume right now, but I really need to hijack the machine for like 10 minutes at some point to finish a different present. I COULD do it by hand, but it wouldn't be as sturdy, and I really don't want to give a flimsy present gift!

Okay so this is basically a novella now, and I REALLY hope that at least a couple of people read this, because otherwise I could be practicing my handwriting by paper-journaling all this (which I probably wouldn't because apparently I need an audience, imaginary or otherwise). But I'm going to be done now.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Collective Soul - Run
the Word Burglar
22 September 2011 @ 08:29 pm
I should maybe/probably put something up here about what I've been doing. Then again, that's a pretty quick fix - not much. I have been applying to hundreds of jobs, hearing nothing back, and being harped upon about how I'm not trying hard enough. Which is fun.

I've been reading more than usual, which is nice, but right now it's self-help books about getting jobs and why no really, lots of people my age feel paralyzed and like everything we ever knew was a lie. The one book would be a lot better, I think, if it weren't so targeted to people who were my age 10 years ago - you know, when the job market was practically begging people to need them, and "dot coms" were still going to be everybody's saving grace. It reads a little dated now, and all the stories in it are about not settling for an unfulfilling job, but rather you should hop from job to job, as a butterfly through a spring meadow. It's just not realistic anymore.

I keep trying to make myself do some writing, but I just stare. Or I take a break to do some reading so I'll be more inspired to write, and I read and read and read, and then I don't write at all. I just stare. It's frusrating. Just like everything else.

Except the gym! Well, it IS frustrating sometimes - like when I think about how much progress I've made (hovering at or slightly below 30lbs - will know in the morning), and how I still wear all the same size clothes. They look better, and are looser, generally, but they're the same ones. I'm not skinnier-enough to buy smaller clothes, even now. And NOTHING is more perspective-sharpening than going to an adult ballet class and seeing myself in the mirror in my tights etc. So you think you're making progress? Well, THIS is how far you've come. Better not quit yet, eh?

Still, I'm really enjoying the dance class I started a few weeks ago, and I'm really pleased with how much stronger I am at the regular gym than I used to be. And I feel like halfway done is pretty significant, if also disheartening (I have to do this all again?).

There's a lot I could whiny-bitch about, but I don't want to anymore. Instead, let's talk about how exciting it is that it's getting to be fall! I have missed autumn desperately the last few years. I am especially excited for my first hot apple cider and Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season. And sweaters! And boots! And pumpkins and leaves and leaf-burning wood fires and the last backyard s'mores fires of the year, and cold winds on sunny days, and everything feeling burnt and red and gold. It's like finding out the whole world is a long-lost treasure galleon you can explore every year.

What else is exciting? Geez, I don't even know anymore. I spend too much time entering the same information over and over into applications or starting at mindless TV shows to really know. I wish it were easier to find people to spend time with, but I feel like potential new friends have all left this town, and my two remaining friends are too super-busy for me to expect to see them very often, and one of them is leaving me to get on with her life (yay for her! And it's not immediately, or even really soon, but I was still surprised/shocked). I don't know how to meet people. I understand this is common, but that doesn't really help me. Oh, well.

So I tried to make this end on a positive note, but I guess it didn't go as planned. Sorry! here's hoping the next post is happier :D
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Music: Hans Zimmer - Discombobulate (Sherlock Holmes OST)
the Word Burglar
I figured I should probably update, since there's been a lapse again.

I have applied for and heard nothing about another big batch of jobs - I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for a couple of them, but I don't know how realistic that is at this point.

I've been keeping up with the gym as much as possible, and have lost a total of 25lbs since starting, which I'm pretty pleased about, though I'm expecting the Dreaded Plateau any time now - we'll see how it goes. Having lost 25 pounds means I have 42ish left to lose, but I'm feeling more and more like I can do it. I mean, I've come this far, right?

I had to spend a fortune today on a bunch of unrelated things - I had run out of training sessions, so I got more, then I had to go to the eye doctor which I had to pay for (being uninsured), and I also ordered a pair of prescription sunglasses while there, so I had to pay for those, THEN the Schwan's guy turned up and of course, again, Mom wasn't home (is she ever when he comes by?), so I had to try and figure out what we needed and pay for THAT, then there was the underwear, the laptop battery, the room for Whitney's wedding next month...it's like things never end ): Oh, well.

The HDD for my XBox finally arrived today, so I've managed to move things around the way I want them, BUT I have yet to call customer support and get them to move my account to the US so I can link up viable payment details and be able to buy games etc (and not have the prices listed in pounds sterling on the Marketplace). I'll probably try to do that tomorrow - I just REALLY don't think it's wise of them to want me to make a new account, lose my achievements etc - basically start from scratch - if they also want to retain me as a Marketplace customer. Whose idea was it to only allow migration to/from Russia, Chile, Hungary, etc? What sort of sense does that make?

In other news, my sister suggested to me that, if nothing else, I plan to go to New Orleans for Halloween, which sounds like a pretty great idea to me. I'm planning to run it by my friends here,and see if either/both of them would be interested in coming, but I think it'd be pretty cool. And if I have a job by then that I can't skip out on, well, all the better then, I guess, since it means I won't be twiddling my thumbs in frustration for the 3rd year running. Or is it 4th? I've lost track.

I feel like this is really mopey again, and I didn't mean that - I'm just feeling really faily recently, so I guess it's hard to keep out of the conversation. Sorry! I'll stop now. On the recommendation that if you don't already drop acid or watch Adventure Time, you probably should (watch Adventure Time - it's a lot cheaper than acid). Also recomended: Regular Show (yes Kathlyn I know you told me about Regular Show a bazillion years ago, but I forgot/thought it sounded weird, but then my brother showed it to me last week).

I also started rewatching Wonder Falls again, and it has not helped me clear up any of my thinking. (Damn you Gretchen Speck! Why is it so easy for you to resolve your TV-version of my problems?) But I still love it and desperately wish it had gotten more seasons. Even just one more, like Pushing Daisies. I miss it, and I saw it maybe twice when it was on.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: worriedpoor
Current Music: Stuart Chatwood - A Princess is Stolen (Prince of Persia OST)
the Word Burglar
Sooooooo, great. I got a letter today telling me I didn't get the Maurice's job - they must have posted it pretty much immediately. It looks pretty bad, honestly, since there were at least 3 jobs open there, and it's been less than a week since I actually interviewed. Just what I needed after having a hard time at the gym, and then being chastised for not bringing up the trash and recycle bins when I came in (I had the mail and the newspapers instead, along with my purse and gym bag). When I pointed out that my sister could have gotten them when she came home (with nothing but her purse, and before I even left), her response was, "I wasn't at that end of the driveway." Our driveway is not long. It's not quite 4 car-lengths from curb to garage door. So obviously it was too much to even consider going ALL THE WAY down and bringing the bins ALL THE WAY up while otherwise unencumbered. And OBVIOUSLY I should have taken care of it, since I already park so close to them, never mind that she hadn't bothered to get the mail or the papers, in which case I would have brought them up. But it's also okay to whine about how lazy Nick is for his approach to the painting he's supposed to do this week.

Ugh today sucks. Can I have a do-over? Preferably one where they call me to tell me I have a job? Maybe this is all just a huge cosmic sign that I really should move back to NOLA, even though I kind of don't want to anymore. There's obviously no jobs here. Then again, I have no idea how many resumés I sent out to NOLA postings when I was looking there, and got exactly zero responses. So there's probably no jobs for me there, either. So I'd just be hemorraging money and being unbearably hot all the time, as opposed to constantly belittled and criticized in what should be a supportive home environment. My choices are awesome. I hate everything.
Tags: , ,
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Decemberists - Dear Avery (in my head)
the Word Burglar
15 July 2011 @ 03:57 pm
It's been a loooong time since I last posted, so I should probably file some updates.

News item the first: I am not in New Orleans. I no longer have any definite schedule for that, or even definite plans to go. There's a lot up in the air (again) right now.

Second: I did not get the Engstrom's job that caused me to give up my NOLA housing. Despite Erin's best efforts, the owner wanted someone with jewelry/retail experience, so no go. On a tip from her, though, I applied at Maurice's and had what felt like a successful interview yesterday. I have no idea how that will shape up, though.

Third: my sister hasn't spoken to anyone in the house since Tuesday and nobody knows why. She will be in the room with others if she must, but she will behave as though no one else is present and leave as soon as possible. I feel like, at 23, this behavior is about 10 years late and not really acceptable. BUT, no one will confront her about it because she's a heinous bitch when criticized for any reason. For all the joking she and Dad do about why she's still single, I'm pretty sure it's because she's really awful to be around a lot of the time. You know, just minor stuff.

Fourth:I have finally hit/passed 20 pounds! I'm down 22lbs as of this morning, and 45lbs from my goal. A third of the way there! I don't know what I'll do to celebrate yet, but I hope I'll think of sometihng good :D

I'm tired of numbers: I've gotten on Google+, which seems a lot like Facebook was in about 2004 when I first joined - it's nothing like as frenetic as Facebook is now, but maybe only because I don't know that many people on it? It's good, though, and I'm glad I get to be on it.

In other news, I've been really bored recently and trying to find things to do. Brigitte's been busy being in the hospital (!!), and Bidner's busy with her new house, so I don't feel like I can just call either of them up to hang out. Fortunately, Nick's been coming up with ideas for a story he wants to write, and talking to him about that has been a lot of fun, and it made me want to work on some stories that I've had kicking around for way too long. So I've been doing some of that. But when I can't come up with anything, or can't concentrate, I'm back to square one, because Nick's never home when that happens lol

Also, I didn't see Harry Potter last night. I wish I had, but I had no one to go with, and I was supposed to be in a different state, and I didn't get organized at all, so I missed my very last chance to wear my horrible constructed-in-4-hours robe from high school when we went to the 2nd or 3rd movie's midnight show. It's a shame, but I guess that's what life does to people. I hope to see it this weekend, but who knows?

Boo I'm being all melancholy now and that won't do. So I'll go find some other way to entertain myself now, and try not to let so much time go by before I remember to post again.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: moodymoody
Current Music: trololo song (stuck in my head)
the Word Burglar
AARRRGH why can nothing ever be simple?

So I have a decision to make, and I have to make it fast. Like, probably today, but tomorrow at the latest.

There's a job with the jewelry store where my mom and I are friends with the whole staff (especially the manager). Erin (the manager), told me Thursday that as soon as she heard, she thought of me for it. At the time, I laughed it off as bad timing because of my plans to go to NOLA. When my sister heard about it, though, she made a very good point: if I have a job waiting for me here, why would I move? Especially to pay a few hundred dollars to become eligible to apply for the kind of job I'd be looking for, along with paying rent etc etc. I mean, it doesn't take care of the home environment problem, but at least I'd be out of the house regularly and maybe it wouldn't be so bad? Plus I'm convinced I'd really love this job (and Erin and her sister are convinced I'd be great for it) if I got it...I'm SO VERY CONFLICTED.

Because of our plan to go to Disney (which the store knows about), I won't hear from them until afterward (I tried to convince Erin's sister that I could take/return calls while I was away, but she wouldn't hear of it), which is only 1 week before Sam (the girl I'd be moving in with) needs a roommate. It doesn't seem fair to wait until then to call it off, but then what if I don't get this job?

I'm mostly writing this so that if anyone has a better idea, they can chime in and tell me, but I think my plan is this: call off living with Sam now (even though it was amazingly smooth getting it all organized with her) so she has time to re-approach one of the other offers she had, go to Disney, enjoy myself immensely, and make the decision again when I get back. when I hear about the job I will either take it if it's offered or, if it's not, re-start my move-to-NOLA plan. Since it wasn't hinging on any particular timeframe until Same's deadline came into play, I think it's not fundamentally changed. So here's hoping it works out.

Any thoughts?
Tags: , ,
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: worriedconflicted
Current Music: Florence + the Machine - Falling
the Word Burglar
It's been quite a while again, and I don't mean for that to happen - maybe it'll stop when I finally move next month (news bomb?).

So yeah, Saturday I got to see Florence + the Machine, which was a really excellent show, minus the obnoxiously rude fans around us. I mean, I knew she could sing, but holy shit can she sing! And I really liked that she was in this ridiculous, glorious 30s-style emerald dressing/evening gown and barefoot. She did a lot of twirling and interpretive-style dancing and was just really genuine and sweet the whole time (even though we couldn't, as a rule, understand a damned word because of the terrible sound guy). Basically I like Florence et Machine even more than I did already, having seen them live (and they have a dude harpist! Who knew?!).

In other news, as you might have guessed above, the last couple of weeks have solidified my intentions to actually do something between now and a nebulous possible PhD. I'm moving to New Orleans the 15th of July, so Nick is going to drive down with me the 13th so I can sign stuff and buy furniture the 14th. Don't tell my parents, but I've stopped even looking at listings for regular/office jobs, because I've gotten really excited about my "backup plan," which is a bartending school that actually ends up being really near to where I'm moving, so I might not even have to drive. Plus if I don't get a bartending job out of it, my other credentials haven't changed, and 3 more weeks won't make or break anything.

I'm nervous (understandably, I think) about the whole thing, but I'm excited as well - I mean, I have friends there I haven't seen since I graduated, I've missed the city (not the weather, though), and this is an opportunity to know different parts of it, and meet new people, and try to make a semi-adult life for a little while, while I try to figure out what's happening next. I'm really hoping to be able to make myself happy there, and to keep trying to reach my goals while not staying in a tense, stifling home environment. I love my family and I love being home, but it's not working - we're ALL too stressed about our own stuff to really be able to help each other out, which we all need. So I'm leaving. And maybe there won't be anyone in NOLA to help me out the way I need, but maybe there will, and at least it won't be my family I end up resenting for reasons beyond their control.

So that got heavier than intended pretty fast, and I can't think of anything else significant to say, except that I desperately need to go shopping because 3 pairs of shorts and 1 sundress isn't going to cut it in NOLA.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Florence + the Machine - Howl
the Word Burglar
I feel like I only post here when I'm upset anymore. I guess two in a row isn't TOO many, but it feels like it would be annoying to whatever audience there is (hai guyz).

It's all the same old shit, so I don't know that rehashing any of it will help. Katrina's too rigid and can't take what she gives, Dad's inconsiderate and lazy and can't bear to be held up to his own standards, Nick's distant and has no interest in spending time with any of us because of tensions (which I mostly but not completely blame on Dad and Katrina - mostly Dad because he's awful). Mostly I'm jealous of Nick because he has so many friends around who are also on summer vacation so he can just leave and doesn't have to come back to the house if he doesn't want to. I have 2 friends left here, and they're both busy all the time. I have nowhere I could go, and I desperately need to be somewhere else, especially now that Dad's school is out and he's home all day, too.

I am trying desperately to get a plan together, but of course nothing is good enough. I keep getting "helpful" suggestions for job-hunting, and of course earfuls about how stupid and terrible my brother is for the same reason. I just can't deal with it. In 3 weeks, we will all be going to Disney World for a week, which I'm really excited about. After that, I'm basically planning to pack all my stuff and move to New Orleans as quickly as possible. I've been keeping an eye on craigslist for jobs, and have been emailing about them, but nothing has happened so far. My "plan," if I still haven't found something when I get there, is to sign up for bartending school and try to get something that way. Because honestly, as long as I can remember drink recipes I should be able to find a bartending job no problem (unless they need you to be cocktail-waitress hot, at which point I'd hope there were other openings). It's not what I'd like to do lifelong, but it'd be something to fall back on, probably.

I'm just SUPER frustrated that life at home is basically not possible anymore. I mean, I knew it would be difficult, but there's just SO much stress here. I have real struggles with my sister, and Dad is impossible. I just can't be around him. Enough so that sometimes (like now), I consider just ending contact with the whole family to get rid of him. It wouldn't be ideal, and I would miss them, but I wouldn't miss him. I'm pretty confident he's made sure of that. He doesn't have a soul, just an ego he uses in its place.

I REALLY need to have a way out of here.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: none
the Word Burglar
31 May 2011 @ 07:20 pm
Not that anyone asked (not you guys, family), but just fucking miserable as a matter of fact. Good talk.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
the Word Burglar
So it's been a monthish since I last posted, and that wasn't really my intention. A lot of stuff has been going on, but unfortunately I don't think this is really the best format for sharing, so I won't go into detail. Generally:

I got back from Germany today - I was there for a weekish, and we visited 3 castles I hadn't seen before, as well as a couple of really nice churches.

Mom's still got her pin in, and she's walking around a lot more than she should (as usual), but at least she hasn't started to drive against orders yet.

I finally finished reading Pillars of the Earth, and I really liked it (even if it was SO LONG). I started reading The Glass Books of the Dream Eaters (volume 1) on the plane home today, and it's VERY different than what I expected, but I'm really enjoying it so far - it's very gripping (before going to sleep on the plane I ended up reading about 20 pages more than I had meant to).

I've got plenty of planning and organizing to do, as well as some more detailed things to share, but right now, after a day of travel that started twenty hours ago, I'm just not up to writing about it all. I just wanted to pop in a promise everyone I'm still alive and more interested in LJ than it might otherwise outwardly appear. I still read my flist every single day - I just haven't felt like I could untangle things enough to talk about them. So there's that.
Tags: ,
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
Current Music: thunderstorm
the Word Burglar
25 April 2011 @ 11:34 pm
So, Mom's having foot surgery tomorrow, which will be exciting. My sister's going to be angry with me for also having a gym appointment in the afternoon, but there will be 45 minutes MAX between when she leaves for work and when I get back, during which time Mom will probably be asleep (more like 20-30 minutes). I really hope it goes fine, and that this is the last time she needs anything getting adjusted or whatever.

I've finally found a couple of local temp agencies and signed up to one over the interwebs tonight, and applied for 2 jobs at the same time. I mean, I hope one of them goes through, but I'll obviously keep looking. I also get to buy my JSTOR access tomorrow, so I can start reading back issues of JFR, Folklore, and Marvels & Tales (which is theoretically all online? I haven't looked yet). I'm REALLY hoping to make myself somewhat productive, since I haven't managed to do that yet - all the not-hearing about anything I apply for, or from people I need information from has been extremely discouraging and sitting around watching TV has just seemed a lot easier. I need to not do that.

My sister has been making me feel super self-conscious about my paleness lol (she's been a little better recently - thanks for the sympathy! It's a lot better now that the parents are home thus the tension is diffused over all of us, but with Mom being an invalid from tomorrow, I worry.) I've started to think I should take a couple of tanning sessions, since you can still see lines on my back from when I got burnt at the Renaissance Faire in July. Seriously. She brought me a referral card today, which would give me 7 free (consecutive) days, which, in my case, would probably add up to about 6 (MAYBE 9) minutes of tanning - 2 to 3 every other day. I'd be better off using the natural sun, but we haven't had any in 2½ weeks (did I forget to move out of England?), so I might try a little, and see what happens. At worst, it'll make me red and unhappy and I won't do it again. At best, I'll feel a little less corpse-like and maybe it'll lift my mood a little. This weather's really been getting me down. I think I'll go on Wednesday and see what's what.

Nick was home for Easter (and forgot to bring the books he checked out for me, but I'll pick them up from him when I go to start helping him move), which was nice. We all got an Easter basket from someone else, and that was fun. Katrina got me a nice scarf and a bunch of accessories to match it - I think I'll get a lot of use out of most of it, since a lot of my stuff goes with at least some of it :D Mom liked her array of bubble baths, books, and a couple of nice scented candles. Mom got Nick a bunch of camping stuff, which was cool, Katrina got a laptop case and other stuff I can't remember (??), and Nick got Dad a neat hat to replace his aging wool fedora.

So, for a certain value of exciting, it's been an exciting weekend! Which is to say incredibly mundane, but the most negative thing that happened (besides sister-outbursts) was all the stares my tattoo got in church yesterday. I didn't feel that a dark turtleneck sweater and black skirt were very Easter-y, so I wore a pink dress and white cardigan, which had the unfortunate drawback of putting my collarbone tattoo on partial display. I wouldn't have shown it given an option, but I really didn't think black was Easter-appropriate. Oh, well - you win some, you lose some. At least I went? Anyway that's all the news from Lake Wobegon (I REALLY need to learn some new catchphrases or something - Garrison Keillor must hate me by now)

I do feel pretty good about hte last few days, though, because I've started reading Pillars of the Earth again, so I'm going to try to finish it soon, and I sent off my first art-trade installment to gnibbles, which was fun to do :D I'm going to really try to make myself busy. I also need to find a way to practice singing that won't disturb Mom this week, since I haven't practiced since Friday when everyone came home...
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: SoulEye - Predestined Fate (VVVVVV OST)
the Word Burglar
I can't believe it's only Tuesday. Mom and Dad left for Texas on Saturday, and will be gone a week. They assumed, not irrationally, that their two adult daughters could manage to coexist for seven days without complete catastrophe. This was, perhaps, optimistic in our particular case.

There hasn't been any SERIOUS damage, and we have been superficially getting along, mostly. Except I have twice now made the mistake of cooking for us. My sister is completely, totally, and utterly unable to make a positive comment about something I do. It is NOT. POSSIBLE. I know this, I assume she knows this, so the logical thing to do would be to not speak when I am doing something you really shouldn't criticize. But of course this isn't how it's gone. Today, making lasagna, I heated the oil too much and burned some grated carrot, which set off the fire alarm. The stove was still on, things were still cooking, so I hurriedly fanned the alarm off, opened the doors to the garage and sunroom, turned on the sunroom fans, and went back to it. When my sister returned home, she naturally asked why the door to the garage was open. When I explained, she pointed to the sunroom and said in her best 15-year-old voice, "Windows, duh." It doesn't matter that I didn't have time to open the windows (which stick), or that it's been raining fit to worry Noah all day, I had obviously been wrong to solve my problem in the first way I thought of.

After dinner (during which I got an, "it's okay" that sounded more like "it's probably poison" when I asked how she found the food), I got shouted at for not having rinsed off the dishes when I put them in the sink. The dishes I put in the sink as soon as they were empty while I was preparing and serving dinner. The ones she washed less than 2 hours later, and couldn't possibly have gotten crusty. It's true that I also hadn't rinsed the dishes from yesterday's dinner, but I had (perhaps foolishly) not thought it would take her until tonight to wash them. And of course this turned into a fight about how it's MOM's rule, and not a universal rule that whoever cooks need not do the cleanup. Which, honestly, is how it has ALWAYS been in this house and in my experience, so just because she cleans up after herself when she cooks (taking this all at her word - I've never seen her cook in my life) doesn't mean that a) I have any way to know that or b) I should assume it's any different than it has been. In the end of course she did only the dishes IN the sink, left the leftovers out for me to put away, lifted not a finger to help arrange the trash to be taken out tonight since the truck has started coming before 7am (it's supposed to come at 11am), and remains disgusted with me for making her do anything at all (after all, why should she have to do the dishes, since she never asked me to make dinner?). I didn't expect her to take the trash out since she hates thunderstorms so much, but it might have been nice to have some cooperation getting it together and into the big bin.

I have about a million more complaints about her general behavior, and an infinite set about her behavior relating to her dog (whom I hate, but it's not the dog's fault, so sometimes I feel bad). It's probably not helpful to air them all, but they all make me want to slam her head through a wall. I particularly liked when I first came back how, when we both were talking to our brother about his future, she used me, in my presence, as an example for what not to do, who not to be like. Because I'm obviously such a failure, and anyone could see it's a terrible life I lead.

Sometimes, I seriously hate being around my sister. We are too different, and for all the times she insults me with how like Dad I am, she is EXACTLY like him in all the ways that matter toward being a person I will not voluntarily see on my own time. Family holidays? Fine. Anything else, or if it's just us? No way, not ever, no.

I am so unbelievably sick of her. I'm very sad that only yesterday and Thursday does she work in the morning, so I have to spend all tomorrow morning in the same place. Let's hope neither of us kills the other.

In other, unrelated news, I need to figure out what to get to put in my mom's Easter basket! I don't think she wants a lot of candy, and I don't want to drive all the way to Chicago alone to go to the Lindt store for it, I don't know what books she's reading/has/has read, I certainly don't know what music she likes that I can support (I'm still super grossed out that my sister's purposeful hillbillification has made my parents follow her, including listening to country music routinely), and I'm basically at a loss. This week sucks, and it's only Tuesday.
Tags: , ,
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: Lady Is a Tramp (in my head)
the Word Burglar
So, Red Riding Hood is awful but kind of lolarious (Binder and I went last weekend). This weekend, we saw Sucker Punch (expecting it to be terrible), and it was surprisingly not horrendous! I mean, there are parts that don't make sense, and the whole thing is kind of like the end of Astrópía - wtf even happened?! - but the soundtrack was pretty great, and the visuals were amazing (props again to Zack Snyder, and he managed to make it more like Dawn of the Dead 2000 than, say, Watchmen, so props for that too!).

Basically what I wanted to say was, with my appointment at the gym tomorrow in mind, if I can be in shape for it in time for ComicCon next year, for example (or Dragon*Con or any of the others that I might be able to attend), I DEFINITELY want to go as Sweet Pea for at least one day. Her outfit was amazing (plus she was the only one who was really muscular in any way, despite being Abbie Cornish, so the best body-type match). I already have a load of reference photos of the actual costume ready to use for pattern-making, either for myself or someone from el interwebs, depending on my fundular situation. I also definitely plan to have a Lara Croft outfit ready for such an occasion, because it would be an insult to my youthful devotion to her not to.

In other, slightly less weird (?), news, I've been watching a few episodes of the new My Little Pony show - I finally got curious after hearing/reading so much about it, and it's actually not terrible! It's nothing like as saccharine as the old series (God rest its little soul), and definitely has a certain appeal for people over the 6-8yo demographic. It's a little sassy, though not quite as biting as its spiritual predecessor The Powerpuff Girls (the same animator, Lauren Faust, was responsible for both shows), and I think it effectively avoids being an unbearable after-school special type show. Still, it's completely pink and ridiculous, so I take full responsibility for my taste, such as it is.

What else? I had a voice lesson Friday - it went pretty well, for not having practiced in ages and ages, and I think that if I can find a practice routine that works, I could really make some progress. I also need to make progress on my "reading list" and similar things, but it's hard to feel motivated when there are no immediate deadlines. Still, if I don't do it, I'll run out of time before it's suddenly application time again, and I REALLY don't want a repeat performance. Soupir! Why must everything be complicated? Oh, well.

Ugh this weather - it's been threatening to storm since last night and hasn't quite managed it yet. Today, though, it was absolutely boiling, so my room (even with a fan going and open window), is a deathtrap and my laptop is getting EXTREMELY hot after not even an hour of being on. At least it's not still snowing or whatever - it's finally deciding to be spring...or jumping sraight into summer, maybe, but we'll see. I feel like I should just be grateful it's not winter anymore.

All right, I think I've exhausted today's talking points, so I'm going to go watch some more ponies before I go to bed in preparation for the gym tomorrow morning.
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: Emilíana Torrini - White Rabbit (Sucker Punch OST)
the Word Burglar
So, I finished Mom's bag (a month-early Mother's Day gift? Why not?), and pictures are up on Facebook, since I assume we are Facebook friends at this point (I might also put them on Scrapbook, but meh - we'll see). I think it turned out pretty all right for a first attempt, and Mom seems to agree.

In other news, I have been informed there is a trivia night in Valpo (!!!), which I am SUPER-excited about making a habit (unless it sucks, which I doubt). I miss Pub Quiz at Friar Tuck's so bad, and quiz in English pubs (the two times I went) was hard! So hopefully I won't make an ass of myself, and also get a regular contact-with-people thing going.

Speaking of personal contact, Binder showed me a ridiculous Icelandic movie today called Astrópía, and I loved it. Any of you RP nerds out there would also love it, I think, as basically everything in it is a reference and it works really well. It does have the whole Revenge of the Nerds hot-chick-falls-for-dork thing, but it does it REALLY well. And the main chick (Ragnhildur Jónsdóttir - which is a bad. ass. name.) is ridicu-hot, and I seriously would give up absolutely anything you asked to have a body like that. Perfection. Also her first RP character reminds me of my Pathfinder character (only she's human instead of half-elf, but she's a two-sword ranger, anyway), which made me happy.

What else has been going on? Not a lot - my life is super boring at the moment. Emailing like crazy, trying to get leads on jobs, working up a plan to have reading list access, etc. I know, it's ridiculous. Oh! But Mom and I have started seeing a trainer at the Y (well, we've been once so far - yesterday). I think it's going to be good, if I can survive the first couple of weeks - I am seriously struggling with stairs etc today because of all the squats and weights and stuff we did yesterday. Every muscle I have hurts, most in good ways, but it's WAY more work to do stairs today than usual. My legs are going to fall off, and then how will I do my in-between workout tomorrow before we see her again Friday afternoon? On the plus side, it makes it easy to think yeah, maybe I can lose those 60lbs inside a year. Because if I can't walk, surely that's a good start?
Current Location: Valpo, IN
Current Mood: soresore
Current Music: Burke Moses, Kenny Raskin, Gordon Stanley - Maison des Lunes (BatB OBCR)