the Word Burglar (adustierstar) wrote,
the Word Burglar

No snappy lyrics

So my internet sucks and I hope it doesn't quit before I get done with this, because I really need to rant and no one here seems interested.

A month ago, I made a pretty significant life change. It was one that had been coming for a while, and that my sister had anticipated. She said that once it finally happened, we would go out to blow off some steam and celebrate (as much as this could be celebrated). So it happened. And I started putting together the blowing off steam.

Let's back up a little - I'm living at my parents' house again, where I went to high school. I have exactly two friends left in town. Two. They are great friends and I love them. They're also both very busy people. Which was hard but fine when I was also not busy. It's impossible but unavoidable now that I am busy. I contacted both of them straight away to try to organize something. From one (who assumed we were going that weekend) I got, "Yeah! I think I have a DD for us!" Excellent. From the other, "I can't do this weekend, next weekend [etc etc etc] and the place you want to go sucks." So I asked for other suggestions, or if weeknights were better. Nope, no suggestions - all options suck. And of course weeknights are unavailable. Fine, it's unsurprising, but I had to ask. So, faced with the possibility of partying with only my sister, I decided to combine this celebration with my birthday (Friday). Both parties say this works fine for them. Excellent!

Fast forward to last week. I send out reminders so that everyone can get their plans in order. Friend 1, who has forgotten, I guess?, says she probably won't be able to get off of work for it. Okay, that sucks, but I understand. Work is like that. Now, Friend 2, whose schedule was the reason for this change of plans and month-long delay of partying or any contact whatsoever, took 2 days to respond at all, saying she really needed detailed plans so she could organize around it. I responded, gave her all the details I had, and I heard nothing. Tonight, I get a text from Friend 2 saying she can't go out on my birthday because of her study schedule. Okay, I get that you're super busy. I get that you're taking one very difficult class, and there's a lot of work for it. I ALSO get that you're working and practicing for an upcoming life change (though I can't say I totally understand it, I realize that it's true). You don't have a lot of time - I UNDERSTAND. However, what I DON'T get is how you, KNOWING that I had moved this, waited a MONTH for it, and since the last time I saw you was HALLOWEEN, and also knowing that Friend 1 couldn't make it, decide nope fuck it I've got homework. I'll take you out to the crappy "bar" in town (which one does not dress up for btw) next week~!

I am fucking pissed off. Since Friend 2 has basically quit the social internet, I'm not really afraid she'll read this, and I haven't cooled down properly enough to think I should take precautions in case she does. Next week doesn't work for me - I have ONE night off. I don't know what my days look like (because as usual, the bank hasn't given me my schedule), but I'm at Target all night every night except Monday (when I go to dance class) and Wednesday. I mean, I guess I could go out Wednesday, but it depends on how late I'm working/ when I have to be in on Thursday.

I know Friend 2 has her family to talk to, and Friend 1 has a million friends, but I don't. I don't have ANYBODY around here. My family isn't big into talking, and I'm rapidly wearing out my welcome with them. I don't have any other friends here, and I don't have the time to talk to my existing friends via internet. I had 3 social incidences in the entire month of November. They were all within a week of each other, 2 on Thanksgiving and the day before.

I feel completely shut out by Friend 2 - she's had a rough time the last couple of years, but I've tried REALLY hard to be there for her and fill as much of the gap she has as I could. I asked her for help earlier in the year, and she helped me, but since then she's gotten really distant and dismissive. I mean, I guess I can't even say that since I have seen her once a month at best since then. I don't know her schedule OR mine, so I can't really call her. I tried texting, but she doesn't like that. I tried email and never got a response. I got a text that said she was working on a response, but never the email. She's quit Facebook etc, so I can't use those to keep in touch - what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like I say, I get that she has family and possibly other friends to keep her occupied, but she KNOWS that I don't. She KNOWS that she and Friend 1 are the only people I know here. And still, she doesn't reach out, or even respond when I reach out. I don't fucking get it. If she doesn't want to be friends, she should just tell me. I found out from Friend 1, who saw her at a do I had to miss because of work, that she's moving right at the start of next month. So great. It'll be exactly the same as now, as far as I can tell. No contact whatsoever, second- or thirdhand word of what's happening - just like all the other people I'm not really friends with. Fan fucking tastic. I can't afford this, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do to avoid losing half of my social circle.

That's a wall of text and no one will read it, but I wish they would because I could really use some sympathy. I just don't fucking get it. At all.
Tags: friends, rant
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